Prevent Old Lady Hands with this Gentle Soap

So when this product first came across my desk (and by desk, I mean mailbox with a slightly broken lock that I have to stand on my tippy toes to reach), I never thought I’d be writing a blog post about it. I mean, it’s hand soap, people. How sexy is hand soap? Hint: it’s not. It cleans germy subway gunk off your hands. You need it, but it’s not exactly something to go hog wild about. This doesn’t mean, however, that we should be treating our hands like this. No one wants old lady hands (no offense, old ladies who are definitely not reading a beauty blog anyway so why am I apologizing). The best way to prevent old lady hands is to treat our phalanges with care! Rub extra face serum into them, use hand lotion with SPF, and don’t use a harsh hand soap!

So when I tried Sea Bottle hand soap… er, excuse me, “natural hand wash”, I was actually surprised at how much I could be impressed by a goddamn hand soap.

First off, the bottle is beautiful. The bottle is made of frosted glass that resembles sea glass you’d find on the beach. The logo is so modern and un-‘Good Housekeeping’, that I thought it was a giant perfume at first. Sexy and sleek. But who cares about that if the stuff inside is crap, right? Good thing this hand soap/wash/essence/insert-fancy-french-word-here is as beautiful INSIDE as it is outside.

Not only does Sea Bottle Natural Hand Wash not have those harsh antibacterial agents (aka triclosan), drying sulfates, parabens, formaldehyde (ew, dead people), synthetic fragrances, or dyes. It also says it doesn’t have GMOs, but I think we all know not all GMOs are bad, and, it’s a soap, people. Unless you’re eating the soap on a regular basis, even some GMOs won’t kill or harm you in any way shape or form. Calm yourselves.

Now comes time for the pièce de résistance: trying said hand soapy lotion essence.

I had the Coastal Lavender scent, which was nice, refreshing, and not too strong. It was also more liquid-y (Merriam Webster word check?) than most soaps. I usually use foaming hand soap because regular liquid hand soap clings to your hands like Bruce Willis to a skyscraper, and I spend half my day just washing the damn stuff off. Sea Bottle’s soap only foamed up a little bit, and was easily rinsed off. Badabing badaboom!

My hands didn’t feel dry afterwards, which is especially important in these winter months when your hands are most susceptible to drying out. It’s also seriously important because dry, cracked skin can open you up to getting some nasty infections (particularly on your hands where you’re touching random germ-covered shit all day).

And, to reiterate, gentler soap is better for preventing those old-lady, liver spot-covered hands (sorry, Agatha from Bewitched, but even your magical spells couldn’t ward off hand aging. And if you don’t know who Agatha from Bewitched is, you need to EDUCATE YOURSELF).

So, all in all, investing in a $22 liquid hand wash might actually be worth it because it’ll protect you from potential nasty infections and even nastier hand aging (that was hyperbole, people). Although I don’t have any tips for how to handle that nasty office bathroom soap.